Why Do Dogs Have a Voicebox?

3. To let you know they need to go outside.
Why in the everyloving fuck doesn't my dog use it for that then? He just uses his 1 inch in diameter paw to stratch on the door which is all the way across the house and only does so when the TV is up, Video Games are being played, or I am sleeping therefore causing me to not hear the sound that is no more loud than a pin falling.

2. To alert you of potential harm.
Seriously now, the people walking down the road, the other dogs in the neighborhood that are doing their business in their own lawn, and the kids jumping on the trampoline next door are not immediate threats so shut the fuck up dog. Of course when you barked at the dumbass neighbor who put the trampoline up at 2AM, now that was a little strange...good job.

1. BECAUSE DOGS LIKE TO ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF YOU WHEN YOU SLEEP.
Oh my mother fucking god. I swear to god that if the dog whines or barks one more time when I am attempting to sleep, I will kill him. Okay I won't because it's not my dog that does it, but fuck.

I love my dogs because when there are only my two dogs, they are great. Jase sleeps like 20 hours a day and the only problem I have with him is that he likes to eat things that are plastic (combs, xbox controllers, birth control cases) when I leave him alone. Not the best dog, but hey it could be worse. If you have ever seen the animated Tarzan movie, Jase is like the elephant where you touches the water with his toe and says, "Are you sure this waters sanitary?" If it's muddy he will stand at the door and pee out it because he doesn't like getting wet or dirty. Granted if Bailey is over and he goes and plays in the mud then Jase thinks that if he doesn't do it that Bailey will make fun of him. Then Bailey bodyslams Jase into the mud and he comes running in and sits next to or on top of me as if to say, "Ewww...get it off get it off." Anyways, he's a decent dog.

Basco will bark on occasion but usually only if the doorbell rings, somebody knocks, there are kids poking sticks at him through the fence, or my buddy Jonah is over. He doesn't like Jonah much. He doesn't like men, facial hair, or hats really, but he gets use to them after awhile. Jonah has been coming over for at least 3 years every Friday and/or Saturday to play video games and Basco barks the ENTIRE time Jonah is over. Anyways, other than Jonah, Basco doesn't really bark unless he should. BUT if Ty is over it's another story because Basco thinks that if Ty barks, he must see something so he'd better join in even though he has no clue what he's doing. Ty will bark at EVERYTHING. You breathe wrong, he barks. The dog barks at the wind. I just want to sleep for fucks sake dog.

Anyways, moral of the story is that having friends with dogs is cool, but it's like watching other peoples kids....sending the home is the BEST part. It makes you love your own even more.